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Parents Of Morbidly Obese Children

My neighbor is morbidly obese.  When I say morbid, if I had to make an estimate about her weight I would put her at about 5’6 & 350 lbs. She is also the mother of 3 children.  Her son 12 year old son, who is friends with my son, probably tips the scale at 250lbs and is only about 5’4. Her daughter is 8 and is probably about 140 and about 4′ tall.  I have yet to see her youngest son, who should be almost a year old.  I’ll be the first to say that I could spare to lose about 10-15 lbs and my son could probably benefit from losing 10  pounds.  I hate to qualify our weight with the fact that we’re both taller than average, but it does factor in.

During my morning commute, I was on the phone with a friend of mine and he was listening to a local morning show and the heated debate around an 8 year old boy who was placed in foster care because his mother was not doing enough to control his weight. At 8 years old, he was already more than 200lbs. The State of Ohio considers this a medical neglect case and was involved with the family for 10 months before they decided to remove the child from the home. They gave the parent time to change the eating habits of the child, but apparently she failed to do so. To make matters worse, the child also suffers from sleep apnea which is exacerbated by his obesity.

Before I was able to research the details surrounding the case, I told my friend that I didn’t feel that it was right to remove the child without providing resources to the mother before hand. In learning that there were resources provided, for the health of the child, it was probably a good idea to have the child removed from the home and placed in a home where his eating habits could be monitored.  With that said, I’m hoping that this child isn’t placed into just any type of home or care facility. As my friend said, sometimes the home a child is placed into isn’t better than the one they were removed from.

There have been many times when I’ve wondered if anyone at my son’s school has ever questioned his friend’s weight and thought of it as being child neglect.  When I look at the family struggling to do simple things like get in & out of the car  or walk up the stairs to their house, I couldn’t help but to feel sorry for them. I remember a few summers ago, when the little girl was around 6 years old, I thought to myself, “Thank god she’s not fat”. Last week there was a knock on my door and I answered it, I looked down and there she was, looking for her brother and bigger than I remembered her.

Since obesity is an issue that now seems to warrant the removal of children from their parents. I wonder if the reverse will happen as well.  Will anorexia and other eating disorders in children/teens warrant the removal of children as well? Share your opinions in the comment section!

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Missing & Black: Jahessye Shockley

Three years ago, I stood inside the Willis Tower, formerly known as the Sears Tower, in downtown Chicago. I was in the area on a business trip and I was also joined by a close friend of mine. As we’re taking photos from the tower, I received a phone call from my sister in Maryland, who was watching my son while I was traveling. Within in seconds into the phone call, my heart sunk. I started to hyperventilate and shake. She called to let me know that my son (9 yrs old), nephew (10 yrs old) and cousin (7 yrs old) were missing and she couldn’t find him. His cell phone was going straight to voice-mail, and she hadn’t heard from them in hours.  All I could think of was how fast I could get back to Maryland from Chicago.  My friend saw the panic in my face and hailed the first taxi to the hotel. In the taxi I called every parent’s phone number that I had.  No one saw either of them.  Once we arrived back to the hotel, the police and my aunt were already at the house, questioning my sister.  All I could think of was the fact that 3 little black kids were missing and how historically there has always been a lack of media coverage in cases of missing black kids. To make a long story short, eventually my son and his minions arrived home from a friend’s house. Apparently, they lost track of time and didn’t realize how late it was.  When I got the call that everything was ok with them, I was relieved, but I also knew a few kids had some explaining to do.

I was one of the lucky ones.   I didn’t have to rely on the local police or media to aid in finding a missing child. Unlike Jahessye Shockley’s family, from the Glendale, Arizona area, I didn’t have to bear witness to the lack of media coverage after their child had been missing for over two weeks.  This is not the first time the media has neglected a child of color when it came to alerting the public.  A few months ago I wrote about  Phylicia Barnes, a teen that went missing while visiting family in Baltimore.  Two months later, I wrote about her again. Weeks later, they found her dead, about 100 miles away from where she was abducted, and they still haven’t found the person responsible for her murder.

Unfortunately, Jahessye Shockley’s life hasn’t been a crystal stair. There are reports surfacing that her mother, Jerice Hunter, has a history of child abuse and neglect and served half of an eight year sentence for child abuse & endangerment.  Regardless of the circumstances surrounding Jahessye’s life with her biological mother, the fact still remains that immediate media coverage is pivotal in locating missing children. Jahessye  Shockley was last seen by her three older siblings at her Glendale home while their mother was running an errand. Police  say that she may have left through the apartment door, that was left unlocked. Currently, there are no suspects or leads, but Jerice Hunter, feels as though she’s being treated as a suspect. ”They’re treating me like that – the interrogations and the way I’ve been spoken to,” Jerice Hunter said in an interview with the Associated Press.

 

One has to think, if Jahessye was a blond haired, blue eyed little white girl would her image and details of her kidnapping  have been splattered across every news media outlet within 24 hours of her being reported missing. Unlike Jaycee Duggard,  Natalee Hollaway, Caylee Anthony or Polly Klaas, black children gone missing have received little or no “fan fare” from mainstream media.  Getting the word out about a missing black child currently relies heavily on social media. A black child’s photo is reblogged, facebooked & tweeted 1000′s of times before mainstream media takes notice.  Thankfully, these outlets are at people’s disposal, because without them, no one would even know a black child has gone missing.

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America’s Most Wanted Child Support Dodger

He was America’s Most Wanted. America’s Most Wanted child support dodger.

In January, Dr. David Z. Martin, 55, was arrested at John F. Kennedy International Airport for failing to pay thousands of dollars in child support to his family in Texas. He’d been on the most wanted Child Support Evader list since 2002.

There were reports he fled to Costa Rica to avoid paying his child support, and other reports that he was living in another warm climate working with horses. So instead of paying support, he chose to shovel manure.

Then the good dead-beat doctor was arrested and detained in Oman for illegally entering the country after he failed to produce a valid passport. Under federal law, parents who owe more than $2,500 in court-ordered chid support are unable to obtain or renew passports.

And he owed $420,000. Nearly half-a-million.

“This arrest stems from the defendant’s failure to make court-ordered child support payments for over a decade,” Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott said. “Though he attempted to avoid his obligation by traveling internationally, authorities were able to hold him accountable. We are grateful to officials in Carson County, Texas, and the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey for their assistance with this case.”

Even though Martin was arrested, the chances of his family seeing a penny of that $420k are slim. Although child support evaders risk jail time, driver license suspension, passport refusal as well as garnishments and leans, the custodial parents still aren’t guaranteed anything, especially if there isn’t anything available to give.

Can’t squeeze blood from a turnip that refuses to get a real job to keep paying child support on its tubers.

According to a 2007 U.S. Census report, over $29 billion in back child support is due to women, versus the $4 billion that is due to men. While it’s unknown how much of this money falls under Diddy’s responsibility, $29 billion isn’t the change of chumps. That’s a lot of “baby daddies” who are letting the state shoulder their responsibilities.

There’s a kid somewhere desperately needing what his mother can’t properly provide who is caught up in the child support system. Waiting. Waiting for his Casper the Deadbeat Ghost of a father to be located. Waiting for Mr. Sometimes-On-the-Weekends to finally keep a job longer than a few months. Even waiting Papa Sperm Donor to man up and show some sign of affection along with offering even the smallest amount of pocket change.

I’m among the fortunate ones. I’ve had no child support issues with my ex. But six years ago, my mother received her first child support payment, courtesy of the State of New Jersey. Considering all of her children are now adults, with children of their own, it was quite a surprise.

After my parents divorced, my mother had four kids to raise practically on her own. Although extended family pitched in, financially the burden fell on her.  For the span of our childhood, my siblings and I knew there were things we had to go without. That pair of Lotto sneakers, blue Levi jeans, or the BMX bike I craved for. When you had a mother who worked two jobs occasionally, attended school and didn’t receive a brown penny from her ex-husband, luxuries were lies only others could indulge in.

When my peers went to summer camp we went to the backyard.

There was a severe lack of lake or log cabins back there.

But some of this was the fault of my mother who failed to do her due diligence when it came to keeping up with her child support case. After years of never receiving anything, she eventually stopped looking. This is the routine so many women often fall into.

Mothers-managing-money: If you want results sometimes you have to be that nagging person on the phone every week, standing in line and waiting in the social services office to speak with your caseworker, or harassing that lawyer to make sure they’re on top of things. If the courts can’t locate the father, you must attempt to locate them yourself. Don’t let yourself become among the women waiting on a $29 billion windfall that’s never coming through.

If you don’t stay on top of people, you’re destined to end up at the bottom of their case pile. Aggressively pursue your cases, not just for yourself, but for your child’s peace of mind.

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